I can't handle when I have to smell another persons farts, but sometimes the sounds are too much and I just have to give into my juvenile sense of humor when it comes to this subject. There are loud farts, silent farts (dubbed as silent-but-violent or silent-but-deadly in our house), there are smelly farts and scentless farts. You can't imagine the amount of information there is out there on farts, and if you don't believe me google it. I am completely serious, there must be more than just me who can get a good laugh out of this bodily function.
One of the worst farts I can recall is nicknamed "The cropduster". Yes, you probably have experienced this and didn't even know it had a name. You know what I am talking about here. You are cruising through the aisles of Target nonchalantly, when you turn your cart into the houseware aisle. Suddenly your nostrils are burning, and you smell something to resembles a rotten egg. What could that be? You have more than likely been "crop dusted". What is that you ask? It's when you or someone else cracks a fart (probably a silent one hoping to get away with it) and walks away before someone sees him/her. The smell lingers and hits the next person who unknowingly walks into it. Blaaahhh!
Another horrible, potentially near death experience would be called the, "Dutch Oven". This fart is by far one of the most barf inducing blasters. You are sitting in bed snuggled up to the one you love. You are watching a movie, or talking over your day. Blam. Your head gets shoved under the covers and before you realize it you are gasping for air. A fart was let out under the covers and you had to smell it up close and personal. Thankfully I can say I have never experienced this one, and I don't plan on it...but I know people who have and lets just say it's not pretty.
A funny story I can share is one of my own. Picture it, this was about 18 years ago and my husband and I had been dating for a few years at this point. He was visiting me in my dorm room in college. We were bored, and had little cash flow, and we were trying to entertain ourselves. I do believe that he was watching a "007" marathon on TNT or something. He suddenly lets out a fart. Now for those of you who don't know him, he is not a very gassy person generally. But regardless, he lets one out. I start laughing and say, "I can fart louder than that one". He looks at me in disbelief. Keep in mind we were still basically in the "honeymoon" stage of our relationship. No peeing in front of one another, being on your best behaviour etc. He responds to me with, "I don't believe it, show me".
He will tell you this story himself, that he never knew by opening up the flood gates on this particular day (or fart gates) that once he gave me the OK I was letting it loose from that day forward. I know for a fact that he regrets that conversation to this day....
What is it about farts that is so funny? Some people are completely grossed out by it, but lets face it. I don't care how handsome, beautiful, funny, or smart you are...WE ALL DO IT. Think about it, babies start farting bubbles in the bathtub and giggling...it starts from and early age. I am most certainly not condoning people cracking farts all over in public, but if you are in the comfort of your own home and with your friends and family? By all means, crack one once and a while...you might be surprised, it breaks the silence and you might just get a laugh out of them...As for lighting your farts on fire, I am not giving anyone permission to do anything of the sort.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TC44L21UtiA
You may be embarrassed to read this blog today, believe me I am slightly embarrassed to be sharing it with you...but since T blogged about honesty earlier today I thought I might come clean.
Embrace Your Sparkle,
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Ahhhhaaahaaa! You, of all people are the perfect "lady" to blog about farts! I won't go into details about my experiences with you but they have been gut busting funny!
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ReplyDeleteI knew this was coming! As soon as I commented to your sis' blog, this HAD to be here! I never did get the giggle with the fart but of all the children in our family--you are the giggler! I love you madly! (farts and all) XO Mom
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