B's Adventure Driving A Whale. Oops, I Mean A Station Wagon!

Driving. I love it but it took me much longer than T to realize how much freedom and adventure it can provide to someone. In my case, it's provided more adventure...Some wanted and some not wished on anyone. I didn't get my drivers license until I was 18. I figured since my boyfriend and my best friend drove me where I needed to go, and I didn't have a car, why bother? Besides, you might recall there were a few times that my boyfriend would allow me to drive his truck regardless...Ahhh, young love.




At age 15, I had a driving experience at our grandparents like T did. After much whining and pleading, I had convinced our Grandma to let me and my friend Angie take a cruise up and down their road in her Ford station wagon. Her wagon was root beer brown and huge like a whale! Why did she need such a whale of a car anyway? She and Grandpa always had these huge cars, reference T's driving blog and the Chevy Impala. Oh well, it was what it was and I was so excited to drive the beast one way or another! Besides no one was going to see us so we could pretend to be as cool as we wanted right?



Picture the fact that I had very little driving experience up until this point in my life. I missed out on the "making wood" trips that T had gone on...Who knows what made me think I was ready for such a feat? But I was cocky, and brave, and I could do it! Angie and I jumped in the front seat, thank goodness looking back Grandma's car was an automatic! We made sure to crank up the radio for our "road trip". We put on our seatbelts. I remember we were nervous, but what a pair of adventurers. Neither of us had driven much up until this point, so it was definitely a case of the blind leading the blind. But we were determined to figure it out, we didn't want to ask Grandma for fear that she wouldn't let us go. Between the two of us we were able to get the car into drive and our trip up and down the road was seamless. We pictured ourselves like we were "Thelma & Louise" on some grand adventure.



This is where the real clincher happens. We got back to our grandparents and it was time to park. You would think it was the actual driving that would have freaked me out, but me, nope it was parking. I had been so nervous the whole 5 minute adventure that my palms were sweaty, even though I had loved the actual driving. I was SO ready to get out of the car and take a breather, whew! We had pulled this one off without a hitch. Or had we? I put the car into reverse, to back it into it's parking "spot". From this point on some details are slightly fuzzy. From what I recall I was slightly distracted singing whatever was on the radio and talking to Angie. Well, I started to back up and backed in all crooked so I had to drive forward again to straighten out. This whole time I know for a fact Grandma was inside watching her favorite soap, "All My Children" because she always had to catch it while it was on since this was pre-Tivo. (reference T's driving blog here)



So we pull ahead and I shift the car into reverse. Keep in mind I'm flustered and have little driving experience. I'm setting the scene for you so you might feel the slightest bit sorry for me and my lame driving skills in this next part. Bwahahaha! Anyway I put the whale, I mean car, into reverse and don't ask me why but I slammed my foot into the gas and sped into reverse! Right until I smashed into the porch of my grandparents house! What the heck just happened!? It was SO loud that Grandma had peeled herself away from "All My Children" to come out of the house with this horrified look on her face. Angie and I were stunned. I think I recall Angie saying, "Oh My God" and laughing out of nervousness but I immediately was worried what was going to happen to me for doing this.



If you could only picture our Grandparents house and their porch, you might understand this wasn't as big of a deal as you might have thought. Our Grandparents lived very frugally their whole life, like many of us should do, and they had constructed their porch out of lattice and out of the corrugated plastic sheets for the roof. It was painted to match the house and they had cute little redwood burl flower pots all over the porch for decor. So I am not down playing the seriousness but you will see as you read on, it could've potentially been MUCH worse...

Angie and I got out of the car with our heads hung low, waiting for the reaming of our lifetime. Grandma threw out a few choice words, and something like "Holy shit Bridgette, just wait until your Grandpa gets home! I thought it was an earthquake!!" By this time I had lifted my head up to assess the true damage. You could still hear the radio playing in the car because I hadn't known enough to turn the key all of the way off before exiting the car. I looked around the porch. My joy ride into their porch didn't look ALL that bad. Remember, I try to be an optimist when at all possible. There was dirt all over the patio and the planters were overturned. There were a few pieces of the lattice chipped towards the bottom, and the whole wall of lattice itself was pushed in towards the patio. I said, "Don't worry Grandma we will fix this in no time". I've never jumped into action so quick trying to clean up this mess before the big cheese, Grandpa arrived. I loved him so much and certainly didn't want to disappoint him!



We swept up the dirt, set up the planters again, and pulled the wall of lattice back out into position. By the time we were done you could hardly tell what had happened just shortly before. There were a few planters that had been relocated into strategic positions to cover up the chipped lattice but other than that Angie and I were pleased with our handy work. Grandpa came home just as we were finishing up. I made sure to tell him my story before he went into the house to talk to Grandma.



What I can say is that I didn't get into trouble and my Grandpa just gave me that head shake like he was disappointed in me. That was probably worse than if I had to wash his truck like T did in her blog. But I had learned my lesson. I was NOT ready to drive unsupervised, at least for another year or so...Hmmm.. Maybe that's why I didn't get my actual drivers license until I was 18? I never really put two and two together. Naaahhh.



I wish I could say this experience was the first and last time I have gotten into a car accident. It was the first, but not the last sadly. I won't even go into the amount of times I have thought to myself God must be watching over me. The driving at our Grandparents was just a small window into my driving future I suppose...But it makes for an interesting story, don't you think?

Embrace Your Sparkle,

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Driving, In a Small Town, & My Kids Drive

Me Driving
I've wanted to drive since as far back as I can remember.  I suppose it's an underlying need for control.  Control of my situation, and in some cases other people's situations.

In the beginning my mad driving skills were as a backseat driver.  Not the kind that tells you what to do, or how to do it...But, by mimicking my parents driving. (Possibly the reason I have the lead foot?) Sad truth, I can remember making the 'shifting' sound in my head first, and then later on as I matured as a backseat driver, I made the sounds aloud.  Okay, now you're really going to think I've lost it!

But I was born pre-pretend steering wheels with all of the bells and whistles (and yes I too succumbed to purchase one of these puppies for some of my children & yes, I just said 'some'...and the 'others' who didn't get one of those will some day tell me I favor the one's that did...and so forth and so on...I get it.)  Here's a fine example of what I purchased for my kiddos (below)

As you may know I grew up in a rural town on the coast in Northern California.  There some of the main income sources for our town was that of the Lumber Mill, and the Fishing Industry.  Most if not all of our parents worked in the woods, at the mill, on a boat, at the dock...or around those areas of industry.  If they didn't they worked in areas that supported the industries, like insurance, bait and tackle, machinery, mechanics, auto parts~ Basically it was a booming little town of hub-bub. 

Mine?  My Dad worked in the mill, and my Grandpa worked out in the woods.  My Grandpa ran lots of different types of equipment, and the most dominant one was the 'Loader'.  While working in the woods he would load the big ass logs that filled the Logging Trucks, to bring to the mill, to be milled, and turned into lots of different things-Nothing seemed to get wasted, anything that could make a buck, would be turned into something for some green stuff.  Not to be confused with 'Going Green"...I meant what I said..."Turned into something for the green stuff, meaning money."  This is what a load looked like when I was a kid.

I can remember counting the logs to see if it was a 'big' load or a 'small' load.  My how the loads changed in my lifetime there...they went from 2-3 log loads, to toothpicks and you couldn't count them passing by...

No matter what the load, there was a time when we'd go out and cut wood for our families.  My Grandpa or my Dad would head out, and I was the oldest, so I would go as well.  It would mean that I would have a packed lunch, a jug of water, and my imagination.  I would hike around, explore, and feel the sun on my face (it it was sunny-which it usually was to some degree, because we'd head 'inland' a bit and sun was always right around the corner.  But, rarely at home.)  It was fun.  Yes, I got bored from time to time, but it wasn't a choice.  The chainsaw would be blasting, and nobody could hear if I said I was bored, or hungry...so, I'd have to figure it out.  I found bugs I'd never seen before, I got bit by things.  I found berries and learned which ones were good to eat and which ones weren't.  I also found out not to eat too many, because a tummy ache was no fun out in the woods.  I laid down in the bed of the truck before the chunks of wood were thrown in...I laid across the truck seat and listened, and dreamt, and thought about whatever might have crossed my mind.  I looked for animals, and their tracks...I made things. I walked with walking sticks.  I tried to find flowers.   All in all, it doesn't sound like a lot of fun...But, I sure liked going.  One benefit to going was that by the time I was 9 years old, I was told that if there were an accident, I'd have to know how to get back home to tell someone, and get help.  I'd like to think now, that I could have gotten back in an emergency situation, but in all reality, I would of cried and crashed myself!  That's why I could never be a nurse, even though everyone thought I'd be a good one.  So, I drove.  I couldn't even reach the pedals!  Or see over the steering wheel!  But, I wanted to sooooo bad, that I figured it all out.  I was on top of the world! (Or should I say woods?)  I was also allowed to go and drive out 'ten mile', in the Bug.  Both vehicles were a stick shift and so the clutch, patience, and a sheer will to be successful were all on my side.  That's not to say that there wasn't a lot of yelling, crying, and near crashing while learning...But, I got to be a pretty good driver-Very young.  I've always felt fortunate, because who gets to do that?  I mean on the roads and stuff.  Sure out on a farm...But, driving in the woods, and out where you came across other drivers - I just thought and still remember how fun it was.  I can recall passing people and of course I didn't do that two fingered wave of acknowledgement that my Grandpa did, or the near the forehead half wave my Dad threw out...I was too concerned about crashing into another vehicle, and getting into trouble!  It was worse if we had to stop and talk to them, that meant I had to not pop the clutch when leaving the conversation!  I wanted to make either my Dad or Grandpa proud of me! 

There was a time, it's so crystal clear in my memory-too crystal clear for that matter.  I was able at 12 to take my Grandmother's 69 Chevy Impala, by myself down the road.  I'd of done this for at least a year now, and didn't have any challenges.  It was an automatic for heavens sake!  I'm practically a pro driver!  So, I drove up and down and back and forth, got to go out on the 'big' road too!  I was headed back in for one of my last tools around and a car was headed my direction on the single lane road.  Now why the heck I did the next thing I'm about to share, I have no idea!  But, I without confidence moved to the opposite side of the road to 'pull over' for the on coming car.  Why? Again, I don't know...So, as I pulled over I uh, struck a mailbox.  Not any old mailbox, but a metal one with a sharp edge.  What did I do then?  Uh, no I didn't stop...I kept driving very slowly and pulling more into the mailbox to be sure to get out of the way of the stinking oncoming car....!!!!!!!!!  After I went around, let's say 4 feet.  I stopped.  I tried to dislodge the mailbox, and I couldn't.  The gouge that I put in the car was all the way to the metal!  Well, I had to go face my maker, my Grandmother.  I knew she was watching something like 'One Life to Live' or her favorite 'All My Children'.  Great!  So, I got back into my rig and slowly gouged out the rest of the side of the car, as I removed myself from the current situation.  My heart was racing.  I couldn't breathe...and in usual fashion when I'd done something wrong, I went in and asked my Grandma to come outside for a minute.  Keep in mind it was in the morning-late morning.  She came out, I had parked the car not in it's usual parking spot, and brought her around to see the damage.  Let's just say a lot of words like this *7%$#2&%#$@$*&*(&%^&&^*&^?><@#$#@&* came out of her mouth, along with my name, at a volume I'm sure was heard 'into next week'.  She told me I had to sit on the porch and wait for my Grandpa to come home, he'd handle it.  I sat on the porch, and waited, and waited, and waited for my impending doom.  I would probably have to go and get the belt out of the drawer, like my cousins always got.  I'd never had gotten one of those yet.  Today was going to be the day I got it.  It was going to hurt so bad!  I will never be able to drive again!  They will never trust me.  I would probably have to go home, and not spend the night now!  Hours passed by and my imagination brought all sorts of torture my way.  I heard my Grandpa's truck coming before it even got to the road...then I saw him turn in his driveway...He got out and asked why Grandma's car was where it was, remember I parked it not in it's usual parking spot?...I took one deep breath, probably my last and brought him over to the side where the gouge was.  He took one look at it and said, "Who did this? You?"  I answered holding back the tears and said, "Me, yah it was me."  I held my breath for what seemed like forever...and what he said next I did not expect.  He said, "For payment for the damage, you need to wash my truck."  What???? Wash his truck?  "Okay, and what else."  He said, "God dammit to hell, did you hear me?  I said wash my truck!"  (I wish you could hear his voice as he had said that...)  I went to wash the truck immediately.  I finished some time afterwards, and went to him and asked what else?  He said to me, "Now sit down and eat your dinner."  I was so confused, what just happened?  I just crashed his car, and I washed his truck in repayment...and now I'm going to eat dinner?  I walked around on pins and needles for the remainder of my stay.  I didn't know what to do?  Was he mad at me?  What was he doing, thinking of more punishment?  We never spoke of it again, he and I.  Now as for my Grandmother?  She brought it up any chance she got, and also said I got away with it.  No matter how I think of that story...it makes me smile to this day.  In retrospect, I'm sure I punished myself those hours sitting there waiting for him to come home...more than he actually implemented a punishment.  (...And you were wondering where I was going with the whole lumber mill/fishing thing.)

Drivers Ed
I was the only girl in a car with the Hott Drivers Ed teacher, and two boys.  I don't remember who the boys were...Wait, I do and I won't out them in this blog...cause they were horrid drivers!  Since I had been driving for 'years' by the time I got to actual Drivers Ed, I was comfortable behind the wheel.  I had spent hours upon hours on a dirtbike, and as many times possible for driving behind the wheel of an automobile by then...the clutch was not a problem for me.  Reverse, parking, turns, I could do it like the best of them.  So, the first day of Drivers Ed the Hott Instructor (Hott wasn't even a word 'back then'...but, you get the picture.) asks us who has driven before, I was the only one in the car other than the instructor who had.  Which meant I got to drive first.  I was happy about that, seriously boys think they do everything better at that age, and I was living proof that there are some things girls can do better...like drive.  (Insert wink here.)  So, every stinking day of the class, I drove first and got to drive the longest!  I didn't hit a curb. I was able to parallel park.  I could park on a hill.  I merged just fine. I obeyed all of the signals and signs...I felt pretty darn good.  It wasn't long before the hott instructor would make comments about their driving, and about if they were going to let a girl out do them in the class.  Needless to say, I did - up until the last day of class.  We were headed out to Main Street, and had to make a right turn, following a stop at the red light.  When it was okay to proceed onto Main, I did but I failed to give enough space between the curb and my back tire...the car cheered!  Those two boys got out that morning, and were on top of the world!  I saw them in the halls and they laughed, and joked around - finally they had what they needed, even if it was the last day.  Another funny memory...about driving to think back on.  And ladies if you had the hott instructor, you know who I'm talking about and probably took woodshop and drafting because of him.

I'm a Parent Now
Being a parent of two student drivers puts me in a different seat when talking about driving!  I'd like to think that I'm a patient, calm, and aware parent who doesn't yell or freak out when their kids are driving.  One of my children thinks that statement is true, and the other thinks the exact opposite.  One of them is over confident, and the other lacks behind the wheel confidence.  The funny thing about that is that the one you'd think would be confident, isn't.  The one who you'd match with lack of confidence driving, has far too much!  It just goes to show you that you can never tell what they're going to be like in new situations.  I'm telling you, it's crazy!  One doesn't want music on as a distraction, and the other actually reaches over and turns on the music AND sings along, and wants to change the stations!  One wants to drive at a turtles pace, while the other is definitely the rabbit!  One recites the laws and obeys them.  The other wants to know why that law is the way it is, because "that's just dumb".  I can't wait for that ticket!  One doesn't want their license and the other wanted theirs yesterday!  All in all, it's gone well...and to think that there are more to come...I'm sure there will be more personality shown with each passing experience. 


Today I ask you to remember your learning to drive experience...and laugh a lil.


Love Deeply, Live Out Loud, & Live your Dash,
T






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What a Difference a Day Makes - Part Dos

...following B's lead.

Hairy Legs...They come and they grow...What to do?  Shave every day?  I try...But, sometimes it's just too damn cold and I don't want razer burn...So, I let them go a lil...until they're itchyish...you know the feeling?  I mean if I'm going to tell the truth...truth be told...I don't ALWAYS shave every day.  But, man when I do...Man I like the feeling! 

(Okay, my legs don't look like this-ever...but, I bet you laughed a little.)



Meet one day...and marry the next...Although not for me...I'm sure it's been done (B, knows someone), But, I kinda like that you fall in love one day....and you didn't expect it...you weren't looking...and BAM! You're all twitterpated and everything! 

(  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXBbgzQmpJw    - Bambi)

The birth of your child is most definately a life changing experience...I think I'll even go back a smidge further...When you find out you're pregnant.  I mean...I remember each time...what settles into your heart right away is...that it's real...and it's happening...and you are responsible.  I don't mean like you weren't responsible...But, there's something out there larger than you...You are responsible for another person's life.  You hold so much in your heart and soul...what you eat, what you drink, getting enough sleep, calming your being, and nesting...getting ready for another change for when that bundle comes.  Yes, what a difference a '+' makes!

Uh oh!  Well, I'd have to say...Yes, you're married one day and six months later (or longer), your divorce is final.  Sad.  Divorce no matter if it's amicable or not...is one ugly occurance.  I wish divorce on not a soul.  People, there are sacred experiences in our lives that we as humans sometimes take for granted...and when decisions or mistakes are made, the consequence is greater than one could ever expect-the ripple affect is what takes the greatest toll.  Nobody knows what to do or say...So, remember to love deeply, live out loud & live your dash~with your spouse.  And...if you have children...they always come first - No matter what!

(Love now...cause there will be a time for 'Remember When'- Alan Jackson beautiful...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTA2buWlNyM&feature=relmfu   )

Dream home...Yes, you can be on the edge of your seat waiting to see if you've out bid the last guy...Do we get that house payment?  Where will we plant our first fruit tree?  Can we have our kids write their name in the sidewalk concrete, and have it be there for our grandchildren?  Yes, the dream home, dream never ends...

True DAT B...at home doing chores one day...and the next on a flight to somewhere tropical? Or exciting?...Vacation! Maybe in the family truxter!???? (Pea Green no less!)  and off to Wally World!

The cash flow got you down?  Low on the green stuff?  Looking for that pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?   Doubling down while playing 21- what's the difference anyhow?  You're either broke or flat broke-Thumbing it home?  Maybe you'd win the jackpot at the slots? Or maybe you've played the horses and bet on 'Absolute Ace of Spades' and he won the race!  Whatever it might be that luck be by your side...I wish it for you...

and friends remember...this

You may always find someone in a more difficult place than yourself...Instead of wallowing - Look to help another, face, and conquer theirs...

...send a anonymous letter to a soldier...

Agreed...the weight comes and goes...if it stays we don't want it...When it goes we rejoice...So, even though I fall prey to this...I ask you and myself...to love yourself this moment...for today is truly a gift...and I'm happy you're in it with me.

And something that is consistently true...no matter the day or the difference...

Dear Dr. B,
Thanks for always brightening my days...and making me smile.  I love you with all of my heart.
Love, Ice T

(Imagine that being passed over in note form, in the dark, late at night...like when we were kids.)

Love Deeply, Live Out Loud, & Live Your Dash,

T





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...and you thought I was lost-I did too~Change was in the air

So, it's been a while friends, family, blog readers, stalkers, and random readers. 

Yes, I see B's been posting away.  I hear she's been posting away (She kindly texts me to tell me I'm lagging.  Well, she won't say "You're behind, catch up!" She will just say very sweetly, "I posted another one!" and leave out the 'hint, hint'.)  So, here I am...and boy do I have a lot to cover.

Update #1

We moved.

I'd like to leave it at that, but you know me, I can't.  We moved, and the move went well. We purged.  Purging is good, and sometimes things get lost in the shuffle and shovel effect of purging, and sometimes they're lost forever.  Like when you're trying to find that one thing.  You know that one thing?  Well, I can't find it...and I can't remember if we shuffled it? Or shoveled it?  Hmm, I guess I'm still breathing - We will survive the purge.  Moving is really never fun.  I would love to get to a place when we 'don't have to move' again for a super long time.  Define super long time?  I couldn't tell you exactly, I haven't experienced it yet.  But, forwarding of mail, changing of the utilities, deposits, boxes, boxes, and more boxes all equal 'no fun'.  We also added another not so fun aspect to the move, rain.  Oh, that adds more 'fun' to the equation, NOT!  But, all in all the children are in tack, and the parents are in tack...so we're good.  We're better than good. We're GREAT! (Tony The Tiger GRRReAT!!)

I remember eating Frosted Flakes...they were so hard and crunchy...why?  I mean they sometimes hurt the top of my mouth when I ate them...but, I liked them?  I wonder why?  Probably the 'sugar', since we weren't able to eat sugar cereal, except Frosted Flakes.  Hmm, that makes me wonder further...Dear Blog Stalker #1 Fan = Mom, Why Frosted Flakes?

The children remain in the same school, and Mom remains sane for the most part~considering the school aspect of things.

Oh, yah moving also meant...we moved not in the same town but to the next larger 'city' that was to the south of us.  There are a lot of 'good' things I could share about the move like the grocery store-Wait a minute! There's more than ONE grocery store to choose from? Choices are grand, aren't they?  Prices are lower due to the competition...There is more to do for the children, and we even live directly across the street from a park.  The house itself is a cute little place...we seem to fit well in the house...and it's starting to feel more and more like home each passing day.

Update #2
A Puppy!

A PUPPY! Those two words can be said with excitement, with exhaustion, with question...but, for us those two words have meant another addition to our family.  We welcomed Penelope Lane to our family a few weeks back, and we've all turned to mush.  A puppy is like a baby, and she's a princess.  Who knew we could all be mushy dog owners?  I don't remember being one before?  But, this time she's just like the most perfect pup you've ever laid your eyes on!  She's adorable. She's fun & funny to watch.  She's lovable.  She's tiny, but growing daily! She is curious and reminds me of the Poky Little Puppy book that my Mom read to me. " Five little puppies dug a hole under the fence and went for a walk in the wide, wide world." "So the Poky little puppy had to go to bed without a single bite of shortcake, and he felt very sorry for himself."  "And down they went, pell-mell, tumble-bumble, till they came to the green grass; and there they stopped short."  Our little "Penny" is just a Poky!  She goes outside and gets sidetracked by a leaf blowing by, I'm certain she'd miss out on shortcake too!  (If you don't have it, or have never read the Poky Little Puppy to your littles...GO OUT & GET the book! It's truly a classic!)

(See the resemblance?) I even contemplated getting her 'nails' done.  That's how puppy crazy I got.  Don't worry, it's over with...and I've moved on.  (for now).  I'll have to keep you up to date with Penny's growing, us loving her, and all that puppy jazz.

Update #3

People were born

March seemed to be a month you'd want to count back nine months and see who's parents were getting along at that time...We had so many Birthday's to celebrate!  We even jammed them in on one weekend day and had a hoot and a holler and a slice of cake to boot!  We had Marie's, Arlissa's, Steve's, Steven's, Will's, Justin's, Addie's, Rachel's, Christina's and Adam's (sorry Adaminsky for missing your hoot and holler-I sent squeezes from afar) & I'm sure that I'm forgetting somebody on that list...But, nonetheless the cake was grand, the company was over the top, and some of the rest we'll leave out ~ cause what happens at T's house~Stay's at T's house.  So, you know we had a good time!  There's nothing more than I love than a squished house full of people I love...absolutely nothing.  I was born to love my people, and love them with all of my heart.  It appears that at times, there's not enough of me to go around...and I don't get enough time to talk, squeeze, or listen to my peeps...But, I sure hope they know that I love them. (Do you?~Do you know that I love you?)  One of the best parts of this past weekend celebration, is that I even saw people who've not seen in a long time...and I miss terribly.  I get scolded from time to time by one (who shall remain nameless, Tara) but, in her heart of hearts...I think she knows I love her to the moon~no matter what time passes, what water flows under the bridge, or how many times the hands go around the clock-I will always love you.

Update #4

Meems

For those of you who know me, for me...This last change I've been ignoring the share.  I have chosen to do my best to try and find my balance before I share it.  I think I'm ready. (Key word: think.)  So, if you're reading this, I have made it through from beginning to end of writing my heart.  I can already feel the pang of pain in my chest, and I've not even written a thing!  It was in 2006 that my dream of adoption came to fruition.  We were presented with a few cases, and if I had it my way we would have had a gang for sure of only God knows how many children.  But, it was the destiny of all destiny's that I heard of a little girl who needed a forever home.  She was bright, hurt (many times over, in many ways), and talked like a trucker, with curly-swoopy brown hair, and eyes of blue.  (I will only speak on my behalf, and not of my husband at the time~solely my own account.)  It was decided that we would meet with her, at the park.  A place that would be inconspicuous of a meeting with prospective parents.  Right.  This girl was bright beyond her years, although I don't believe she knew what exactly was going on, just that something was going on.  We met with her foster mother, and she was an amazing woman, with a house full of energetic kids, love, and you knew that there was nobody in this world like her~Yes, she was that amazing of a mother.  I couldn't get close to her right away, I kept my distance due to the obvious fact that I am emotional, and I didn't want to send the wrong message to her.  I wanted to be strong and happy before her.  When I did get the courage to step forward, I still cried but, hid behind my dark sunglasses.  She was outgoing and a busy body.  She asked me my name, right off the cuff.  I answered her, and she asked if I'd like to swing with her.  Of course I did.  We were swinging, and I asked her if she wanted to be pushed higher?  She said yes, and that was the first time I touched her.  You might wonder why that is important, for me everything is important.  I can picture that day, as if it were yesterday.  She was finished with swinging, and ready to roll.  She ran over to see the ducks, I was afraid as if she were my first child.  You know when you have your first, you worry about them doing most everything; like climbing the ladder of a slide.  The first child you climb close behind them, you slide with them, and you do it over and over again.  The second child you climb with them, but realise they can slide on their own-but, run around to catch them at the bottom.  The third child you climb halfway, and let them slide on their own and still catch them on the way down (they usually beat you there).  The fourth child you let them climb on their own and slide on their own...But, fuhgetaboutit~you've figured out they can do it all on their own!  And if there's more...they just go and go and go...You want to wear them out! Well, that day, it was like my first child.  I didn't want her to get too close to the waters edge.  I didn't want her to fall.  I didn't want her to get hurt.  I can remember she and I were walking along the water, and she reached up and held my hand.  She-reached-up-and held MY hand!  I was like putty, and wanted so badly to pick her up.  She was talking a mile a minute, about everything and nothing, and something, and this thing and that~not finishing a sentence...just wanting to cram it all in.  She said to me, "Can I go to your house?"  I asked her, "Would you like to some day?"  She answered, "How about right now?"  I smiled.  It was then when I asked her if  I could pick her up?  She was ready, and practically jumped into my arms.  She offered me her hat, and wanted my camera.  I have a lot of pictures of sand, feet, legs, and half of her doll that was on the ground.  Great memories I hold with me always.

What felt like an eternity became real one day in February 2005, following other memories of her staying the night with us.  Becoming a family-and the very special day of Adoption Day.  My Meems, by law was officially a part of the family.  I didn't need that day to know that she was already a part of me...from that first day I heard anything about her...to that day in the park....I didn't 'need' the adoption day...as much as she did. 

We've worked from the beginning on the retraining of her brain, on the RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder), on the Sensory Integration, the sadness, the hurt person...the stealing, the lying, the cheating.  You think I might be 'just' talking about someone taking something.  Someone not telling the truth.  Someone not doing something, but saying they did...'normal' upbringing stuff.  No, I'm talking about something deeper than that...if you remember, I will and have done everything within my powers driven by my heart and soul...for my family~and I mean EVERYTHING.  At the risk of loosing my whole family...I have done everything.  (I hope that you understand exactly how difficult this is for me to 'share'...but, if it wasn't for just yesterday that another adoptive mother, who I know personally...is going through the same thing...Yes, just yesterday I received a call.-My heart hurts for her...her struggles...her pain...her sorrow...it doesn't go away...it remains as a part of you....forever, and that is the reason for me writing this today~Because maybe somebody out there needs to know they're not alone.  They've not given up hope.  They have done the best they could.  They are still forever, it just looks different.) 

This last year plus has been more than extremely difficult.  At times I wouldn't even of had words to define how things were going, how everyone was, or how I was feeling.  Most everything in my life, I will give it my all and when it comes to my children and family there is nothing that will stop me from trying to figure it out.  I've never been one to give up or to not try.  The drive I speak of comes from some place deep in my soul, and when I simply can't do it or figure it out...I keep going.  Little did I know that my perseverance and undying determination could also lead to damaging situations.  Damage in relationships between she and her siblings, between she and the school, and pretty much wherever she was...Damage control was needed.  My little girl, who was hurt and has been hurt so many times in her lifetime was not just 'acting' out.  She was crumbling inside.  She had made decisions to hurt others.  She hurt others.  She was plotting and planning to hurt her family.  She was figuring out ways to do so.  She stole a family heirloom wedding ring, that was for she and her siblings and sold it for $5, for candy. Then lied about it.  She vandalised at home, at school, in public.  She stopped feeling, because it was easier than to feel what she did feel.  I realise that criticism may flow and come my way...but, I'm telling you that the fighter inside of me kept right on loving her through it...Kept right on trying to lead her in a direction that was better for her...Kept right on believing in her tomorrow...Kept right on holding her up...lifting her daily, hourly, by minute.  But, the everything and more aspect of my parenting was not working...and simply put, I was told that if my child had cancer, or diabetes would I let her go untreated?  Would I keep trying to make it better for her without help?  The most difficult answer did not lie in the word, "No."  The most difficult answer was that to do so, I had to let her go.  I had to let her out of my sight.  I had to allow someone who is gifted in the possibility of helping her, and healing her...to try.  But, to do so, she had to move.  Move away...and that is the single most frightening thing to do, that I've ever encountered...to let my child go.  The day came, and went...I wanted to crawl into a hole.  I wanted to go to bed.  I wanted to cry more...I wanted to hold all of my children, physically..and never let go.  I wanted to break...I wanted to crumble more than I already felt...I was not whole inside...How can I be whole outside?  I didn't care what anyone thought...They don't know what we feel...they don't know how it feels to let go the way I had to...There is one person who does...I now had a mental picture of Momma "M" (Meems' birthmother).  I now know how she felt, she didn't want this to happen...she didn't want to let go...In her case, sure she didn't have a choice...but, I'm sure I now truly know how she felt...l o s t.  Alone...scared....and empty.  Aching to hold her, to make it all better...and I couldn't.  I had to see if someone else could help her begin to heal.

Here I had the rest of my bundles...all surrounding me.  They still need me to love them in this moment, right in front of me.  Sometimes the powers from above...take note...and things happen... When she took her first steps to get better, it was November 18th.  We were headed to Disneyland for Thanksgiving, my most favorite place ever, if you know me.  But, I'd rather skip this trip...Let's go at a later time...not now...I'm not ready...But, we went anyhow.  I put on my happy face, and went through the motions...Yes, I enjoyed my first entrance (I always do), when you hear that music and see the magic...there's nothing else more enjoyable to see on your child's face, than that of a Disneyland face!  Change happens.  I am loved.  I am forgiven and understood.  It was in Disneyland that I was able to see with the assistance and love from my fiance (I ended up getting engaged that trip in Disneyland), and the love from my family and friends, that it wasn't about that I had given up~Rather turned another corner to see if this could possibly help her - Help her heal and live each breath, and learn to love herself.  I certainly hadn't stopped loving her, but in all acutality~I loved her even more - when I didn't even think it was possible to squeeze in more love.  Fear was my biggest enemy...What if she thinks I don't love her, even though I said it a million times, and tried to show her a bazillion times?  What if she hurts herself again? What if she feels alone and scared, and believes that she is?  All of those fleeting thoughts and emotions, came and went by like I was in a warp zone of the heavens, with the stars zooming by me...and when it all came to a stop, I was able to see & feel that with the love I have for her...That she knows, no matter what I love her more than anything in this world.  She is amazing.  She is exactly perfect exactly the way she is...I just want for her to feel it...to see it...to touch it...to know that she is. 

So, although it's not an in depth description...It's the best I've got for you my readers, my sister, my friends, my Mom, my loves, my whomever you might be this moment reading...I know you may not understand. You couldn't, because you haven't walked in our shoes.  You may not care, and that's alright too. You may judge me. You may not...But, if there's someone out there who needed to read, that you're not alone...You've got a friend in me.  You are truly never alone, even if you feel like it...Take a breath and let that feeling go...I'm right here, right here with you.

For you the reader...

You've got a friend - James Taylor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SxToTUoWGM

The song that always makes me smile and think of my Meems...

You'll be in my heart - Phil Collins

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIVaUcE4kAM

I heard this song this morning...and I thought of my Meems...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkWGwY5nq7A

I love you Meems

Yesterday, Today, and this moment...

Love,

Mom

Love Deeply, Live Out Loud, & Live Your Dash,

T

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What a difference a day makes!

It's been a while since we have blogged and I have had this idea in my mind for about a week now...It's taken me this long to snap out of my writers block and sit down to write...Since T and I have blogged last, there have been so many things going on...Packing, Moving, Sports began again after about a 2 week break, I started to put alot of time into B's Crown Jewels...you get the picture. 

So...here it is!  Our next blog...What a difference a day makes!


It's amazing how much hair can grow on your legs in 24 hours, I can't handle it...I shave every day!!



You might meet your future husband one day, and get married the next. (True story, I know someone this happened to and they're still married)



Your newborn baby that has been growing in your belly for 9 months may decide to make their appearance.  Your life is changed forever for the better.

You may be married one day, and divorced the next.



You may be on the edge of your seat waiting to hear if your offer on your dream house was accepted, or do you resume the search?



You can be at home one day, and on a glorious vacation the next...



You may be low on cash one day, and win the lotto the next...



That last two pounds you've been trying to lose may be here one day, and gone the next (or maybe you've gained two pounds?)...




I guess what I am getting at here, is that a day can make a huge difference to someone. Time flies and it's best to try and stay positive because you never know what tomorrow will bring and it could be something unbelievable...Something amazing...Something you've always dreamed of...you just never know.  I love the saying, "Always believe something wonderful is about to happen".  Because miracles come in even the smallest packages. 

Embrace Your Sparkle,

B




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Lazy Sundays

One of my favorite days of the week is Sunday.  Sounds weird considering it represents the end of the weekend for most and Monday just around the corner.  I don't know, there's just something about it.  Sunday can be a day we are driving home from a road trip, and it just feels so nice to step back into the door at "home".  Or sometimes it's just a day where we chilax, start our day with a big breakfast and watch movies.  Or maybe we are baking something delicious and barbecuing in the afternoon.  No rushing, just enjoying.  It doesn't take much for a good ole' Sunday to close out the weekend on a good note.



Have you ever thought that each new day, is the first day of the rest of your life?  This means you can have a "do over" every day if you wish.  So begin your week with a Sunday instead of considering Monday the dreaded day.  Why not start it on a good note?!



Our day today consisted of closing out a sports season with a party in the park on an absolutely warm, sunny and beautiful day.  We were nursing a sick baby back to health (a double ear infection to be exact).  We were watching the "boob tube", catching up on Storage Wars (Yuuup!), Pawn Stars, Californication (not with the kids in case you are wondering, and yes David Duchovony is a hottie) and the drama of Mob Wives (I'm a mafia fan, it all began with The Sopranos).  To some, this might be considered boring but all we were missing today is some of our family members and friends to round it out.  We just vegged, spent time being together and rode the couch for the majority of the day.  By the way, where did a phrase like "boob tube" come from anyway?

Yesterday morning something funny happened.  Our son was playing with his cap gun.  I said to him that we had cap guns when we were kids too.  He says, "Mom, they had these around when YOU were a kid??"  My response?  "I'm not THAT old, geeze!".  He says, "Well you were born back when they had black and white tv's Mom!"   It took something as an innocent comment from our son, to remind me that I sincerely "like", no LOVE my family.  We aren't perfect, we have our imperfections like everyone else, but we are genuinely lucky to have one another.  (And this was also a reminder that I guess we are getting older).



Leaving you on that note, I just ask you to consider enjoying the simple things.  We all want to take elaborate vacations, live in a certain type of house, or drive a fancy car.  But what matters the most to anyone I know, is to appreciate what, no let me rephrase that, WHO you have in your life.  If your loved ones aren't close enough to spend time with, make a call or send a text and let them know how you feel.  If they are close enough to see, maybe a lazy Sunday together is in order to begin your upcoming week on a sunshiney note! Maybe watch a football game, or take a walk together.  Appreciate the simple things and appreciate the people you're lucky enough to  have in your life, don't take anything for granted and....

Embrace Your Sparkle,

B



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Chicken Pot Pie for the Soul (Recipe Included)

"Chicken Pot Pie for the Soul."  Last night I was making dinner for my family and it hit me.  Why not write something about how food really affects our lives and how comforting it can be?  I was using my Moms homemade chicken pot pie recipe to warm up our bellies before we sat down to watch "Survivor".   It's been one of the recipes I mastered early on in my days of cooking, and a go-to comfort meal at our house.

Food.  Love it or hate it, we all need it.  To survive, sometimes to sooth, to entertain.  I love to eat it, and love to cook food, but I dislike that it always seems to land around my middle.  I think it's a talent to be a good cook, and a way to express your creative artistry.  I sometimes think it is theraputic for me to bake a cake or cookies.  It's the same thing with making comfort foods like homemade pot pie, mashed potatoes, homemade macaroni and cheese, which are some of my favorites.

Anyone can cook, but to be a good cook takes experience, time, patience, creativity, and love,...There are different kinds of cooks.  Those who have a passion for it.  They live to try new recipes off of the internet, Pinterest, from friends, from cookbooks and then there are those who just open a box of Hamburger Helper and call it dinner.  Once again, I'm not judging, but I prefer to be the first of the two.  I wasn't always this way though.  I didn't appreciate cooking and how much fun it could be making something from scratch or moulding a pile of ingredients, into a masterpiece.  It really wasn't until we had our first child that I really made the cross over to really caring what I made and wanting to be better at it.

Ahhh, the smell of home!  This is where the smells of a cake or a slow cooker meal hits your nose as you come in the front door.  Our Mom instilled this quality in me, I used to love walking into our front door and smelling a fresh batch of cookies or muffins she had baked.  Another experience with this for me, was one of the times my husband I were house hunting.  We were out looking at places in freezing temperatures.  We walked in the front door of this 100 year old farmhouse, and the seller of the house had this pot of soup on the stove.  I know it's a tip realtors tell their sellers, cook a batch of cookies or a pie, so when potential buyers come in it makes it feel more like home.  But it works!  The smell of that soup still lingers in my memory, and that farmhouse is still to this day (owning two houses since) in my mind and dreams...

They say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach.  I think this is true for men and women alike.  There's nothing like making a fabulous meal for friends or family and sharing it with them.  I feel like food brings people together.  Your kitchen can be the heart of your home as well.  When cooking, a lot of the time my family ends up in the kitchen with me, helping or snacking on the ingredients while waiting.  Or think of how many times you meet up with friends for coffee or for a dinner.  How many times you have people over to share your home and a meal?  How about when someone has a new baby or is sick and you make them a meal to help them out?  It's a beautiful gift you may have, and simple to share.



Just the other night I prepared a new recipe for a broccoli, cheese and chicken casserole.  I carefully selected the recipe and purchased the ingredients to wow my family with this hearty dish.  It came out of the oven, and it smelled good but I had my doubts.  The top of this casserole had crushed Ritz crackers on top and it had a resemblance to dog food.  You know, the kind that comes out of a can?  Luckily my family was adventurous enough to try it, and I will be honest it was a strike out.  None of us liked it, only a corner of a 9X13 pan was eaten, and the rest went down the garbage disposal.  However, how would we have known if I didn't try something new?  It very possibly could've been a mouthwatering, delicious meal that was added to our weekly staples.  Not so much this time, but maybe the next new recipe I whip up will be a hit?

Last night I thought about writing this blog, and I texted T and one of my friends about including this recipe today.  Did I really want to share one of my all time favorite recipes?  The answer is yes.  I even took pictures as I made the chicken pot pie last night to share.  It came down to this:  I think if you give three people the same recipe to follow, and the same ingredients to make something it will turn out slightly different each time.   It can become yours.  Everyone has their own spin on things and ways to make things.  Seasonings they prefer to use or are comfortable with.  I decided not to be selfish and to share one of my all time faves with you, in hopes that it may become one of yours too.  I don't have an actual written recipe so some of the amounts are estimates.  Enjoy!  Our mothers recipe for "Chicken Pot Pie for the Soul".....

Embrace Your Sparkle,

B


INGREDIENTS:

* One large skinless boneless chicken breast
   -Or 2 cups of cooked, cubed chicken

* 2 stalks of celery, cleaned and chopped up

* 1 1/2 c. corn (can be frozen or canned)

* 1 1/2 c. baby carrots chopped up

* 1/3 c. diced onion

* 4 red potato's or 1 large russet potato.  Peeled, steamed ant cut into cubes

* One ready made pie crust

* One can of Campbell's (reduced fat) Cream of Chicken Soup & One can of water

*Salt, Pepper, and Garlic Salt for seasoning

Note: Instead of using fresh vegetables, you can use a bag of mixed frozen vegetables

DIRECTIONS:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

* Spray your pan with cooking spray and cook your chicken breast until there is no pink. Season with salt and pepper.  Once cooked, cube chicken up and set aside.

* In a large pan, saute all veggies in cooking spray and season with  garlic salt and pepper. 

*Once veggies are tender, toss the cooked chicken in the same pan and toss around for a minute or two.

* Add the can of Cream of Chicken soup to the veggie/chicken mixture & add one can of water as well.  Stir and simmer until soup starts to thicken. (Usually about 5 minutes)

* Line your pie plate with bottom layer of pie crust while waiting for the above to thicken.

* Pour the soup,veggie and chicken mixture into the pie crust.  Layer the top crust over the ingredients and pinch the edges.  Put a small slice in each quarter of the top of the pie crust for venting. (You can brush top of pie crust with milk or egg whites to make a glossy golden brown top)

* Bake for 45 minutes or until crust is golden brown.  Let pie sit out for approximately 10 minutes to cool and set.

* Enjoy!










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