http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvtxOzO6OAE&feature=related
If you take anything away from this blog, take this...and if need be re-read it daily.
I have been separated and divorced for some time now. It now feels like forever ago that that chapter has ended. I remember that the change and transitioning period that occurred following that time, was devastating. Our whole world as we knew it was gone in a blink of an eye. The beauty of it all is that my children are resilient. My children are amazing. My children remind me who I am daily. Things I knew to do automatically were to take care of them, and we would make it through as long as we had one another. I was scared, confused, and alone. Yet, I had everyone surrounding me with their love and support. But, the truth is I didn't feel their love and support because I was so lost and alone in the life that we had created together, that was no longer. Divorce is not something that I grew up to believe in as an option. Divorce is truly an ugly occurrence for anyone. Yes, on both sides of the union that experience divorce it hurts. It hurts those who have made the decision to not continue forward, and of course those who don't know what is coming next. You feel all Topsy turvey and confusion doesn't even touch your brain and land completely planted before ten million thoughts start going through your head. To only have your next thought be to 'do something'! Everyone comforts you if there has been an extremely negative purpose for the divorce. You don't know if you should be happy or sad. You think that the world will end one moment, and then you feel free the next. For me, I was married for a total of 16 years and the divorce was something that I filed for. The reasons behind the filing are mine to keep. But, as strongly as I felt about the filing, it was near one of the hardest-easiest things to do. Again, I didn't marry to get divorced. I married forever.
Through the divorce I have been reminded who I am, for I had forgotten. I was reminded who was important in my life, and who was not. I was hurt by many, not just my ex-husband. People don't know how to act, or what to say after a while. They don't know if they should 'take' sides. They honestly try their bests, and sometimes the best isn't good enough. I've lost friendships, and ties in my life that I also thought were forever. Truthfully, those have hurt my heart the most. I miss people, and places in my life where our family were rooted, then uprooted to, and am not experiencing another uprooting. We are moving, not very far away - but, just far enough that we will be 'starting over' again. I have been emotional today, and I think that this may be the reasoning behind my emotions. I'm not upset about the actual move. I'm not feeling as if we're on the wrong track - More or less, it's the transition and unsettled feeling inside of me. The children again are resilient, amazing, and continue to remind me who I am-daily...and that is consistent and true. I love that.
I guess I could do what I did when I was going through my separation? I took the thing that scared me the most, which was 'heights' and I challenged it. I'm not saying I'm afraid of heights, because anyone who knows me, knows that I can climb up high, go on roller coasters, fly in an airplane, and all that jazz...but, I don't like to get down. I don't like the floating feeling that balls up in your stomach when you go around on a ferris wheel...or when you can't feel the confidence in the ladder wrung climbing down from the top of the ladder...You know what I'm talking about? So, what did I do? I jumped! I jumped from an airplane. There's absolutely nothing you can do after you jump, but throw your faith where it belongs. Caution is not in the wind...because the wind is what is carrying you to your next experience, at least in this case. What I can tell you is just like while going through a divorce your brain plays tricks on you...At least your brain is consistent, it's just as confusing when jumping from a perfectly good airplane. Before you jump, your brain tells you, that you're going to fall to your death. Once out there in the wild wonderment of the skies, your brain says to you, WOW THIS IS F'ING AMAZING! (Thank God it's in your brain and not out loud, because of language content.) I'm guessing that those of you who have not done this A.) You think I'm nuts more than usual and B.) You think your mind wouldn't say that bad word...Well, I'm living proof that it's possible...and that when I was out there falling to my death...with the play on words - I was reborn. I knew that if I landed, I could do ANYTHING. I could conquer the world, if I wanted to. Not a single person could stand in my way. I would be able to do whatever I wanted...and from that point on, I haven't had anyone stand in my way. There are always obstacles, it's just how you manage them. I think so far I've managed, and done pretty well. My children are loved, and love...My family is growing by two, as I am getting married later on this year and he has a son.
...today during my emotional moments, I thought of the good reasons to move from where we are. There are several, and I'll only tackle a few of them - So here you go...
If money grew on trees, I wonder if I'd own one?. I doubt it. I think it would cause too many troubles in my life, that would be unnecessary and time consuming. Really, have you thought about a money tree? Honestly, where we live is visually gorgeous, and has served it's purpose.
Clue #2: People Assume They're Near Royalty of sorts.
Here in this small town, it's just like Pleasantville. No, really...watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAiyrees0uM
"The loss of innocence and the power of change" is a great quote and could really fit in this lil town of ours. As for the ASSume part of this clue, well my father told me the definition of the word, and that too is applicable to this clue. There's so much money that filters through their hands that it clouds their judgement. If I had a dime for every time I've heard any of these phrases, "I was born here. I am fourth generation. Or - Do you know who I am?" I would not need a stinking money tree...I'm be filthy rich, without the need for an 'Indecent Proposal'...It gets old folks not more nostalgic. I have a lot of respect and interest in family history, but those two combined do not give permission to another human being (in black and white) to be disrespectful or rude to another...simply sad for them.
Clue #3: An ounce of water is worth more than an ounce of gold, here. Seriously, water is outrageous! The water bill for us to live where we do, and to water the yard, is $900 + in the summer. No, our landlord pays the water bill - But, since we'd have to move anyhow to another location, we chose another city because the water here is some serious cha-ching! Our front yard may have to look like this:
Clue #4: Opportunity! Opportunity will surround us, and if I've learned much at all over the years and through several transitions is that with my family and friends alike - That there is where I am the richest...I will ALWAYS HAVE MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS, not matter where I am...
No matter where my feet land...I carry each of you in my heart and love you through my soul...and am reminded who I am by each of you and my children...only to be blessed with a man who loves me for me. You never know when fortune finds its way to your heart~Only to find you're the richest girl in the world. I'm going to relish in the life that is before me and not look back...unless it's at the beautiful photographs or stories of my family and friends who've got me this far.
Love Deeply, Live Out Loud, & Live Your Dash,
T
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